| I dismissed the trial. That was a surprise to my family... Perhaps my father wants to disown me. I dismissed it well because it is about time I start making my own choices as an adult. I sat in the courthouse and thought "I am an adult, I trust that I am making the right decision and I can live with the decision I am about to make". Ultimately, I am the one who has to live through this. I have been so complacent for God knows how long, subject to the opinions of other people... Never having a true voice. Today, that voice came out. This thing was not about Royce, it was a power play with my family and I put my foot down as an adult. What were they to expect if I did not file the paperwork willingly that I would continue with the motions? Probably.. But, something happened within these weeks I found more support for myself. I became stronger. Royce is a good kid, and for too long have I built up resentment... too long have I listened blindly to voices of strangers. He did not deserve any of this. I was weak because I felt alone and determined to play the victim. I am not a victim, and neither is Royce. So I stood up to family, stood up to some of my friends... Did anyone know I was going to do this? People could have suspected, I only consciously made up my mind yesterday. I feel relieved... more at peace... and if my family is surprised, well then they just do nt know me well enough. :)
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| my family seems to think i lost weight while at school.. weird.
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| i almost feel like i do not want to go home.. i would much rather stay at school, get work done.. stay.. stay where i am respected, where I am treated as an adult, where I am admired... where people find me interesting... not plain..
why would i want to go back?
go back to dealing with myself. with lonelyness.... where i am undervalued and under appreciated. where i am not trusted with reponsibilities. where i am belittled... scoffed at... talked down to.
why would I want to go back?
holidays are going to be fun... for sure... |
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| it hurts that you still talk to her....
in other news life is going ridiculously well for me. my voice is noticeable in the choir. i have an interview as a stage manager for this springs opera. i performed well last week. concert is coming up. i have an A in italian I got a near perfect score on first midterm in Sociology... ear training is not so great but in piano I have never dropped below an A-. |
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| i attract trash... what does that say about me?
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ALOHAxLAYOUTS